Thursday, September 29, 2011

Onward to Victory...Onward to the Heck of the North...

Dear Brave Men of the DBD:

I have, myself, full confidence that if all do their duty, if nothing is neglected, and if the best arrangements are made, as they are being made, we shall prove ourselves once again able to defend our DBD motto, to ride out the storm of the interlopers, and to outlive the menace of the tri-athletes, duo-athletes, marathoners, the roadies, the skiers and the like. At any rate, that is what we are going to try to do. That is the resolve of our fearless leader, Sir Mallory. We must NOT let him down. That is the will of our local chapter and the Club-at-large. The DBD members, linked together in their cause and in their need, will defend to the death their native gravel roads, aiding each other like good comrades to the utmost of their strength. Even though large tracts of Duluth and many old and famous trails have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Lake Superior Trail hikers and runners and all the odious apparatus of United States Cycling Federation rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight Bell and Raymond, we shall fight the McFaddens, the Teschs and Meisers, we shall fight all comers, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength on the tar, we shall defend our gravel, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the flats, we shall fight on the hills, we shall fight on the Brimson Connector and on the Northshore Trail, we shall fight in Amity; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this local club or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our members beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the DBD, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

Sir Winston Churchill

On June 4, 1939 Churchill spoke before the House of Commons, giving a report which celebrated the “miraculous deliverance” at Dunkirk, while also seeking to temper a too rosy of view of what was on the whole a “colossal military disaster.” Any semblance to that earlier speech and the one recently presented above is pure coincidence.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I have made a life-changing decision...

After doing the research, crunching the numbers, and weighing the costs against the benefits I have decided that I will from now on only purchase cycling equipment that is labeled "elite," "ultra," "extreme," "mega," or some combination of the aforementioned.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Buffington is BACK!!!!! His blog is back up and running.....BRAVO BRAVE BUFFINGTON!!!!!

Monday, September 12, 2011

"If a man says he is not afraid of dying, he is either lying or is a Gurkha." G.M.

ask Mallory.....

Dear Mr. Mallory:

I'd like to inquire as to your thoughts on the best speed work for sprint triathlons. Lifetime Fitness, B.P., Exxon, Haliburton, and Wal-Mart are sponsoring a big-time triathlon in my town and the entry fee is only $478, so I really want to go for it. Plus, some of the proceeds of the race will go to Greg Mortenson. Someday I want to be a real Iron Man and go to Hawaii and be on TV!

Do you suggest doing track work with short repeat intervals, or longer speed work such as Fartleks and Tempo runs? Should I hire a life-coach? I have a carbon set-up but its last year’s model, what kind of carbon bike/wheel-set should I ask my parent’s for?

Also, what are your thoughts regarding using heart rates vs the Relative Perceived Exertion scale for maximum efforts? Or should I get the new Garmin that does all of it? Would it help me to have my VO2 max measured? What about EPO?
Thanks so much, 


Ps: Do those carbon fiber pants work, cost is no issue?


Dear Friends and Loyal Followers of Sir Mallory:

As many of you may know, as I pen this letter, our esteemed leader languishes, albeit with steadfast conviction, in a common jail sharing stale bread and the like with common street criminals. Old Mallory is being charged for disorderly conduct stemming from an incident at a citizen’s triathlon sponsored by Lifetime Fitness and Wal Mart, involving several hundred participants, race officials, and a young malcontent known as “Chip.”

To begin, upon receiving the above letter of inquiry from this Chip fellow, regarding participating in a triathlon, Sir Mallory, (who has never fully recovered from his untimely death on Everest) essentially snapped! Armed with his trusty ice ax and bolstered by a platoon of loyal and fearsome Gurkhas, Mallory attacked a local triathlon proceeding. Luckily Mallory had given the order to refrain from exercising extreme prejudice to the Sherpas and thus none of the frail triathletes were seriously injured. Once the Law appeared, the Gurkhas were rightly allowed to leave the scene, provided that they agree to attend an anger-management course, but Mallory was arrested, yet not before engaging in fisticuffs with a legion of policemen many of whom received bloody noses and split lips for their efforts. Finally a brigade of National Guard soldiers was able to subdue the “game-as-ever” elder DBD statesman.

Having spoken to him recently, two dayz past, via passenger pigeon, he assures me that he is well, that in due time he shall be proven innocent, and that he has found favor with the warden due to a shared interest in fine brandies. Nevertheless when you hit your knees tonight to thank Your Maker, please include Mallory in your thoughts, wishing him “Godspeed.”

But enough about Mallory, he is a big boy, can fend for himself, and a little quiet time maybe just what he needs to settle his nerves down a bit.

A cautionary tale follows—concerning running as a Gateway Drug to far more sinister and self-destructive behaviors. The main purpose of this letter is to use Chip’s letter as a platform from which to warn the people of the threats associated with running. Running is a gateway drug to triathlons. Chip’s decline is a perfect example. Chip began with a local 5k race where he ponied up $25 to run around the city park for twenty-plus minutes. When he finished the race in the middle of the pack, they gave him a brightly colored T-Shirt that proclaimed, “I survived the _____ race,” along with a shiny medal and they told him how great he was… When he got to his car on the windshield was a flyer that advertised another race. Chip ponied up for that race as well. In that race he did the 10K (all these races have multiple events and infinite categories of runners),they charged him $40, which his parents willingly paid, and he won his age group (37 to 38 age category; Clydesdale division, Category 3.5B). He was happy and self-assured and his parents were happy too because he wasn’t doing drugs or in a gang or both and he began to even talk about looking for a job.

The trap was set. Chip began to train, he began hanging out at the local Lifetime fitness center, located in a strip-mall on the edge-o-town near the Interstate (by the Wal-Mart Super Store). But in order to improve and to fit in with this crowd, he needed more expensive gear. Soon the running was not enough, he needed to swim, but to swim well, he needed a special wet-suit. You know where this is leading…running, then swimming, then… Soon Chip was obsessed with obtaining everything CARBON. Last spring, he stole his Dad’s credit card and bought a $9000 Triathlon bike, but the bike did not have carbon wheels, so he spent another $3000 to get the carbon wheel set. His Dad was furious, but his Mom reminded the dad that at least Chip was not on drugs.

Several dayz later they found Chip in the alley behind the new Trek store (where you can only buy Trek stuff). He was fighting for his life; having fallen victim to a massive carbon overdose. Such is a story that is being repeated over and over again across the country. Mallory had the courage to do something about it….do you?

Ernest Shackleton

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Been Busy...what with work and training is the easy way out. Real men race off the couch!

As a nuclear family we did get up to the BWCA for a few dayz last week. I built the offspring a raft in honor of Mark Twain...but skoolz startin' now so I have to get me thinking cap back on...I have not been racing nor training in a few weeks, but have remained loyal to staying hydrated with a magical, recuperative elixir of fermented grains, barleys, and hops... Look for the author to show up at the next race well rested...