Saturday, November 17, 2012

Just don't see the humor in the wolf "harvest"

Just goofin’ around…I’ve been trying to write up something funny or amusing about the wolf “harvest” thatz going down right now in both Wisconsin and Minnesota.  Itz been a long, long, time since hunters have been afforded their God given right to kill wolves…I’m not sure on the last time a patriot got to kill a wolf cuz the liberals have been in charge for so long, but it could be that the brave wolf hunter has not been able to rid us of these dangerous beasts since these great United States of America still segregated kids into separate but “equal” schools based on race?   Or since Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother was brutally murdered, or since the great Job Creators of the early 1900s cut all the old growth trees down….Thank the Minnesota DNR for getting us our rights back. 

In any event, I was thinking on a short piece describing the great courage and ardor it takes for modern man (atop his modern transports) to shoot (or better yet, to trap) an unsuspecting wolf.  I thought it would be funny to highlight the great technological advances available to the modern hunter of wolves including cameras, night vision, etc., etc., etc., to emphasize the wonderful advances we, as a people, have made as a progressive civilization.  And yet at the same time comment on how we have not given up on our Just War with the wolf (and his kind). I'd add a little sentence like, "It is, and will continue to be, a tough and long conflict, but we can win this war because our cause is righteous…"

But no matter how I craft the essay…it just don’t seem funny to me that a bunch of malcontents are out in the woods trying to kill the coolest animal in the Northwoods for no reason other than to….? Can’t seem to finish this thought…Notes to ponder: Maybe a guy wants to kill a wolf so he can make up for his smallish _______?  Maybe a wolf tail would look cool affixed to the outside of his truck…hanging off his old antenna?  Or a wolf pelt would be just the thing to cover up that big hole in the side of his trailer (caused by his shotgun accidentally going off when he’d had a few too many Bud-lights)?  

I’ll keep trying to come up with something funny or amusing about the wanton killing wolves in this day and age…but itz a hard assignment.  I'll keep trying...

Friday, November 2, 2012

A quick sortie into the wilderness with the youth of America

A revived Farrow with Hondo, the Man-puppy
Press release (Reuters): A revived, youthful-looking Farrow (pictured above w/ Hondo, the Man-puppy), during a recent effort on his part to test a group of young potential stalwarts from his school, by acting as their supreme leader on an overnight trek into the northern wilderness....

Under his tutelage, the strong, motivated group progressed southerly, along Mallory's Brook (formerly known as Gooseberry River) using the famed Sir Mallory Hiking Trail (aka Lake Superior Hiking Trail) as their main thoroughfare. 

Postscript (source: The Guardian)Upon the groups' return; While Farrow was hailed by the mainstream media as both a visionary and a skilled, tireless leader of young men and women, his detractors were just as quick to point out that his hegemonic claims of DBD geographical dominion and subsequent renaming of many of the local points-of-interest after Sir George Mallory (i.e. changing the name Gooseberry River to Mallory's Brook) was inappropriate and represents yet one more example of the DBD’s propensity for power-grabs with little consideration for local traditions, customs, and/or laws.  Also the use of a pretentious white Cadillac Limo (on loan from his friend, Mitt Romney), to transport his young people to and from the trail-heads, had the effect of stirring his critics to call him a 'plutocrat" and even raised some eye-brows amongst the pro-DBD community, including the Queen...

Whilst Farrow was decidedly unapologetic, siting a  kind of "mandate from heaven" argument in which he claims that the DBD is essentially entrusted by Providence to make such changes with the goal being to civilize and educate the local populace by following God's will as dictated to various Republicans (especially congressmen representing Indiana and Missouri) and like-minded groups by "the Big Guy Upstairs..."

...Under growing pressure, the DBD Honor Board has assured the local magistrates that the reclusive, yet highly influential adventure society would review these allegations and take any and all necessary actions to ensure that any nefarious deeds would not go unpunished.