Minnesota 24 did not disappoint...

Selected Minutes from a recently held meeting of the DBD Honor Board:
Note: The Board was unable to form a quorum as both Shackleton and Mallory were not in attendance. Shackleton is on a fact finding trip to Alaska, specifically trekking along the southern aspect of the Iditarod Trail in search of a Mr. Gauld’s nose and Mallory is pursuing a long held dream of his to bicycle to and then solo climb K2 without the aid of any equipment manufactured after 1920.

Proceedings included a brief summation of a recent endurance event:

…The inaugural Minnesota 24 Hour Race held at Memorial Park in Red Wing this last weekend did not disappoint. Both Buffington and Farrow attended representing the secretive and highly exclusive DBD Adventure Society.  While the course was short (one could easily turn a lap in under forty, even thirty—five minutes), it was quite exhilarating as it included many high speed, banked roller-coaster turns and fast descents. Regarding our people; while their efforts did not result in any noteworthy honor or glory for the Society, they did both conduct themselves as gentleman competitors committed to representing the Society in a manner that did not detract in any way from our principals of steadfast integrity or death.  

As many of you know in recent months Buffington’s name has become synonymous with lofty, manly, victorious, deeds winning many challenges and thus bestowing great honor upon the local Duluth Chapter of the DBD. But alas in Red Wing, he was hampered by a bout of melancholia exacerbated by recent exposures to the dreaded bordetella parapertussis bacteria.  Even so he still turned in an effort of which any normal man would be proud. Whilst attempting to revive himself using the recuperative powers of liquidified fermented barley and hops, upon each and every arrival of the elder Farrow to their pit-area, Buffington was always responsive to the old man’s needs, offering both physical and psychological support.  Look for Buffington to destroy the field at his next race venue for a man such as he, a champion, rarely accepts defeat more than once a season. 

In contrast Farrow (whose decline of late has been well documented), to the relief of many Society members, was able to finally put together an effort that can survive the scrutiny of the high standards set by our guiding principles of potius mori quam foedare. He did well on a single speed Pugsley turning 26 laps.  He did faulter at 3:00 a.m. after seventeen hours of riding, taking a nap, yet the kindly Buffington rousted him up and had him back on track after a three hour respite. The both of them rode together on the last lap, a time together that meant a lot to the old man.  Crossing the finish line together was a wonderful thing...Note: Rumors of microscopic tears were apparent though both men adamantly deny any such display of public emotion. Of course any such public display of emotion are strictly forbidden by DBD protocol.

However, the fact of the matter is that the day belonged to Charles Parsons of the Angry Catfish Club, a group out of Minneapolis.  Parsons has always been a dedicated endurance athlete endowed with true grit (several times a finisher at the Trans-Iowa), but this season he has taken his performances to the next level.  He was mounted upon a single-speed and yet he won the overall solo title, turning an impressive 34 laps!  He won the event in impressive style all the while maintaining a humble and amicable relationship with all in his sphere.  Look for Parsons to be a factor at the upcoming Arrowhead 135.

The DBD Adventure Society formally issues him a heartfelt: “BRAVO Charles Parsons! Bravo!”

Also worthy of mention: Greg Leschisin of Colorado, Kaleb Himli of Spring Valley, Dean McCauley of Ely (52 years old), and Rob Herrman of Angry Catfish. The above all conducted themselves as gentlemen/athletes during the 24 hour event and the DBD is proud to call them “friends of the DBD” and thus bestow upon them the coveted title of “Persons of Interest to the DBD.” Note: Parsons also is now considered a Person of Interest to the DBD.
The DBD also wishes to publicly thank Muddy Paws Racing for putting on a very well organized and fun race…Bravo.

Minnesota 24 Hour Race...Words of wisdom

Minnesota 24…Here we come!

Buffington and I are in intense preparation for the inaugural Minnesota 24 (http://www.24minnesota.com/).  Look for Buffington to impress in the single speed category.  Look for me to fall over frequently in the new Fatbike category. 

What follows is a definitive list of carefully composed random thoughts on the logic of attempting to race ones bike for twenty-four hours around a smallish loop in the woods adjacent to a reform school for juvenile delinquents.

The two best parts about racing a 24 hour event is that one is afforded the excuse to not train at all for the week leading up to the race (arrive with fresh legs) and to also, in the week leading up to the start, zestfully imbibe his or hers’ favorite fermented barley and hops beverages with reckless abandon.  The former is intuitive and thus requires no further explanation. The ladder is based on two important considerations that every 24-hour competitor must confront—1.) The benefits of Beer-Loading now enjoys the status of being acknowledged as well established scientific fact.  Unlike that of the unfounded claims by liberals that humans cause problems related to the environment and climate or that Hedge Fund Mangers act in self-interest or that smoking or coal mining causes health problems. According to a Dr. Mannie (PhD in Beerology from Oral Roberts University), who appears regularly on Fox News (that stalwart tower of non-biased journalism) there are a number of natural antioxidants and vitamins in beer that can help prevent heart disease and even rebuild muscle. It also has one of the highest energy contents of any food or drink. Dark beers (Bell’s Kalamazoo Stout) tend to have the most antioxidants, which help reverse cellular damage that occurs naturally in the body. A recent study published in the Journal of American Beers Drinkers Who Believe in the American Way has also found that dark beer has higher iron content compared to lighter beers. Remember, iron-ore from the Iron Range is an essential mineral that our bodies need. Iron-ore is a part of all cells and does many jobs including carrying oxygen from our lungs throughout the rest of our bodies. Note: Iron ore and other valuable stuff that is dug up in huge mega-pits right here in the Northland by dedicated workers hired temporarily by the nice "job creating" corporate people from Canada, Chile, India, and China.  2.) I forgot what the second reason was.  I am little foggy from my pre-race preparation…

Other random, well conceived thoughts: None are coming to me at this point.  

Racing within my ability range....

Never won anything in my life…but maybe someday?

I had a funny conversation with a real nice guy (of whom I rarely get to see), during my kid’s bike race over at Mont du Lac this last Sunday.  I was lamenting about how pathetically slow I am on techy, fast single track and so being the nice guy that he is; he said something like, “Well I am sure that back in the day you were really fast.”

His comment had the cathartic effect of compelling me to recall that I have never been fast, never been worth a damn on techy singletrack, and that I have never won any sort of athletic contest in my life.  This thought brought great comfort to my troubled soul...

It must be tough for guyz that were really fast in their youth and as they age they are forced to concede the thrill of victory to their younger rivals, but for a guy that has never been fast, the transition to bit player is much easier.  In other words to go from being a mid-pack rider to a back-of–the pack rider does not require a wholesale change in ones philosophy. 

Armed with this renewed appreciation of moderate expectation, I went on to have a great race (given my standard) later in the day. As I rode through the excellent, thrilling course at Mont du Lac, I smiled as my heart soared for I still love mountain bike racing…Thanks COGGS….

Reading Chris Hedges gives me a headache...

Do you ever get the suspicious feeling that maybe things are not quite going as well as they should? That maybe the simple straightforward notion that if we could just have some “solid economic growth” (maybe put Mitt in charge cuz he knows business) that everything will get back to normal is just a bit too rosy?

Get a copy of Chris Hedges’ Empire of Illusion for a cold slap in the face…Below is a quote from one of his more optimistic paragraphs—

“…our collapse is more than economic and political collapse. It is a crisis of faith. The capitalist ideology of unlimited growth has failed. It did not take into account the massive depletion of the world’s resources, from fossil fuels to clean water to fish stocks to soil erosion, as well as overpopulation, global warming… It failed to understand that the huge, unregulated international flows of capital and assault on manufacturing would wreck the global financial system.  An overvalued dollar (which could soon rapidly deflate); wild swings in the stock markets; housing bubbles; unchecked greed; the decimation of our manufacturing sector; the empowerment of an oligarchic class; the corruption of the political elite; the impoverishment of the workers; a bloated military and defense budget; and unrestrained credit binges are the consequences of a failed ideology and conspire to bring us all down…(Hedges, p. 184)

I am with Hedges on this one…the traditional obsession with economic growth as a panacea for all our problems (as we all know, if we think about it for a few minutes) is folly.  In Hedges' words we are living an "illusion" if we think that things can continue on as they always have in the past.  We all know that sooner or later we are gonna start running out of important stuff. Natural resources are not infinite…I think we all just kinda figured it would happen long after we were gone…Of course it is relatively easy to articulate the problems..the hard part is coming up with workable solutions...So it goes.

Updated book list...

Updated book list (Given my current situation with Team Giardia, I have the time…)

Note: the first three books on the list reflects my current interest in proving to myself (and more importantly, my daughter) that when a society blindly adopts any and all “technological innovation” that society is heading for catastrophe. Furthermore, the even greater tragedy is that in this 'post modern', interrelated world, this blind adoption has vast negative world-wide implications not only for humankind but for all living things.  The sad truth of the matter is that most of the time we simply accept new technology without any thoughtful discourse or qualitative analysis.  Even if you believe that a particular technological advance is counterproductive to the quality of ones life (or to society), the resounding conclusion is that once the device is available there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop its use. This seemingly inability of a society to control the "advancement" of any and all technology represents what Durkheim would surely call an "anomie." Essentially we have become slaves to our technology and we don't even realize it...so strange.  For a very significant percentage of kids living in this country (and increasingly in many other countries as well) the majority of their waking hours is spent as passive spectators zoned into either a TV or computer screen. These people are either sleeping, or being entertained by a TV/computer...surely this cannot be a good thing, but...of course there is nothing we can do about it...itz just the way things are now...

In the Absence of the Scared: The Failure of Technology & the Survival of the Indian Nations by Jerry Mander.  This five star read was recommended to me by my old friend, Scotty Kylander-Johnson.  While it is dated having been written in the early 1990s, in my estimation it is spot on.  If you have not been to a high school or college campus in the last five to six years take the time to seek one out and walk around a bit. The first thing you will notice is that kids do not interact anymore, instead that are all tied into their own little cyber worlds. Mander saw it coming, even in the early 90s.  Basically these are two books in one. Book one is a general critique of our zombie-like obsession with technology and how we simply go along with what the mega-corporation market to us…Of course the military leads all technological advance…the art of killing is the most progressive followed by the art of extracting natural resources.  The second book applies Mender’s theories to the native cultures and what has happened to the modern tribes that have adopted TV into their homes. A chilling, but spot-on work.

Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle by Chris Hedges.  Another great and shocking effort by Hedges. I saw him interviewed on PBS (Bill Moyer’s show) and immediately ordered his new book. The title says it all. He uses several aspects of our modern culture to make the point that the vast majority of us are living in tailor made fantasy worlds. The chapter, The illusion of Love provides too much raw, disconcerting info about the X-rated movie business and I found myself wondering if he had fallen victim to his own illusions. Overall its good stuff!!!

The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion by Jonathan Haidt.  As with Hedge’s book, I saw Haidt on the Bill Moyer’s show and was both impressed and captivated. I am only about forty pages into a three hundred page textbook-like read, but it is very interesting.  Haidt is much more hopeful than either Hedges or Mander. Basically he argues that the two political parties are duping us all.  He also maintains that we want to do the right thing, but group loyal always trumps logic, so we tend to go with the group even when it is counterproductive to our own lives…Case-in-point: The family guy that is working hard but barely making it and yet he still is against some form of universal healthcare. 

Andrew Jackson in the White House: American Lion by Jon Meacham. This book has been highly touted, winning the Pulitzer Prize, but I thought that it was pretty lame. It seems most of Jackson’s time in the White House was spent fighting with his in-laws and sticking it to the hapless Native Americans. I came away unimpressed with both Jackson and Meacham.

Inside of a Dog: What dogs see, smell, and know by Alexandra Horowitz. Horowitz makes a big deal in the introduction that we should be really really careful not to engage in “anthropomorphism”  (attribution of human characteristics to nonhumans) and then she spends the rest of the book doing anthropomorphism. I was pumped to read this book especially given our recent love affair with Loki (who was killed by a car a few months ago and now our new Man-puppy, Hondo), but I was disappointed.  Note: A better book that is really old (from the 1960s) but provides great practical insights into training a dog is Richard Wolter’s Family Dog.

The Last Temptation of Christ by Nikos Kazanizakis. This amazingly complex, historic, and important literary classic was given to me by Ari of the Slender Fungus.  I am through Chapter Seven and even though I am not yet one-third through it, I am both confused and humbled by the weight of the story. I will need to finish it and then re-read parts of it to make a comment that is worthy. For now, I can see why it’s publication caused such a stir in 1960, when it was first published. Wow!

Into the Silence: The Great War, Mallory, and the Conquest of Everest by Wade Davis. This is an awesome re-telling of the life and times of George Mallory. Five stars and a Must READ for any aspiring DBDer…I have a signed copy from the author, Wade Davis! It was a gift to me from my heroes, Lindsay Gauld and Andy Lockery…I treasure this book…Go get this book and treasure it too!

The Olympics are awesome! and I be learning a lot too...!!

Given my current situation, which requires a secure bathroom to be within about four seconds away from me at every moment of my daily life, I have wholeheartedly embraced the role of TV Olympic armchair spectator. So far I have learned several very important life lessons from being planted in front of the television. Lessons that I would like to pass on to my readers. Note: These lessons are listed in no particular order: 


For my money the best sport in the Olympics is without a doubt Women's Beach Volleyball. If you need further explanation, I cannot help you. 


I bet itz kinda weird hangin' out with Ali's wife. By the way, why was Muhammad Ali in the opening ceremony???


The nice people at Chevy are offering huge trucks for realistically low prices


The women volleyball players hug each other a lot! 


The nice people at Coca Cola have made it possible for most if not all of the Olympic athletes to achieve their dreams. Also, if you drink Coke, you should be very proud of yourself.


At first I thought that the Opening Ceremonies were super boring and contrived, but that one lady from THE VIEW liked it a lot, so now I do too.


The new Bat Man movie is the best movie ever made.


All the athletes eat at McDonald's.


The nice people at All State are super nice and they will never be mean to anyone. They love your family. 


Itz not a good thing to hop when you land your dismount, you need to "stick" your landing! 


The gymnastics coaches are weird. 


I know that I am suppose to care about swimming, and I am trying...but itz SOOO hard.  


Guyz that drive BMWs have really pretty girlfriends.


That one guy that is beating that other guy, you know the swimmer guy with the long torso (remember--got busted takin' a pull off of a bong), anyway the new guy is kinda hard to take...I like the old guy better. 


BP (pretty sure it aint, I mean I don't think itz the same company that trashed the Gulf Coast with zillions of gallons of crude oil) is super nice to all the athletes, even the ones that are missing legs and stuff. 


Coke is also nice to athletes that are missing limps. 


The best cereal company in the world is Kellogg. 


The folks at United Airlines brought all the athletes to London and all the athletes were smiling, even the ones in wheelchairs, and so were the guyz that load the luggage onto the jets. 


Even though Romney aint much of an athlete, he owns a horse that is...


Al Troutwig, at least I think itz Al,  is so cool and he knowz his Women's beach volleyball!


That little guy that wears the bandanna ( I think he does ice skating and sometimes beats the little Asian guyz) in the Winter Olympics, he really likes his Subway.


The men's waterpolo players wear really skimpy swimsuits. I am OK with the Women's Beach Volleyball uniforms cuz they are on the super HOT beach and all, but the guyz are indoors.  


NO BODY I mean, not a single person in the world, cares about Men's Beach Volleyball.


Marshall School needs more students to sign up...


My life and your life would be grim and dull if it were not for HP and even more so without Apple.


I better get me some insurance. So many cool people work for Nationwide. I really need to get insurance...so many bad things can happen and I need them folks to keep me safe...those guyz really really care about me...


Not sure about what the cute Gecko is selling, but he sure is on the TV a lot. 


We all owe a lot to A T & T. 


There's a company that makes yogurt, and they all got together and made this huge screen in a big field and they are all watching the Olympics together...it seems real nice. 


CITI has made many of the best athletes better and CITI don't ask fer nothin' in return. 


Chevy is super nice, especially to black people, so is All State.


Coke helps flood victims.


Most people are really stupid, except the boy that is good with the Apple I-products, he helps the stupid people, help me!


Walgreens is in your corner, no matter what...no matter what they are there for you.


The parents of the guyz and girlz that do gymnastics are really weird.

Nipigon Rider pays high price for honor...

In his Quixotic quest to regain honor lost, the controversial cyclist unofficially credited by the DBD with the first circumnavigation of the fabled Lake Mallory (previously referred to as Nipigon) has been stricken with the dreaded Giardia. To make matters worse, the cure is in many ways just as debilitating as the disease for the best way to kill these deviously ravenous little beasts is to hit them hard with many doses of Methronidazole.  When on this drug, the stricken one cannot drink any beverages using fermented barley, grain, and hops. A mere shell of a once proud man, Farrow wept inconsolable tears as they forced the pills down his gullet and then dragged him away...He was heard to faintly call out in a feeble voice, "the horror, the horror." So sad. (Source: DBD Chronicles)