Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mallory to the rescue of a good Man's reputation!

Dear Seekers of Truth:
Although he is too refined to raise an objection, I am not and therefore I shall address a few (of the many) inaccuracies as stated in the public recollection of one of the three participants regarding a recent DBD training session with the goal being solely to set the record straight.

Excerpts in purple taken from The Eki Chronicles (http://timekchronicles.blogspot.com/ ). Mallory's commentary in green.

“I pulled in fashionably late to notice my two comrades joking and milling about in the shadows of the dormant ship.” This much is true. He is always late, often he appears unshaven, smelling of cheap whiskey, and he is known to keep company with barkeeps, the like, or even worse...So often is he late that we have created a little ditty that goes like this,
“Waiting on Eki...
Growin’ old awaiting on Eki
...itz my destiny to be waiting on slow-poky Eki.”

“Immediately something struck me as odd in Hondo's appearance. He seemed to be wearing some type of hand made square topped head gear. No, this was not a helmet, but rather an early version of an Icelandic reindeer herding cap... However, it should be noted that the top of this "hat" was flat giving my partner a Herman Munster look that quite frankly was complimentary. Well, before rolling out I was issued a tongue lashing and severely made fun of for a myriad of things ranging from being 30 seconds late to my general being.” Again, only a partial truth at best...The “headgear” of which he admonishes is in fact a stylish Wintergreen Expedition Hat worn by discerning, serious polar explorers and crafted by the nice folks in Ely, Minnesota. Regarding the so-called “tongue-lashing” the reader must remember that “Hondo” is in the company of coarse, uncouth irreputes that respond only to elemental guttural directives.

“This ride would focus on saddle time as well as working pace line with each other of course all under the tutelage of Hondo. He demanded that we perform 90 second pulls all the while shouting instructions on technique that flew in the face of what any one who has ever had the privilege of riding with him knows to be his normal riding style. Recently Hondo took down the winner (caused him to crash) of this year's Arrowhead 135 while he clumsily fumbled with his camel back hose.... Big Buff and I took our whippings from the deranged one as he called us out on skimping time on our pulls, claiming we were only out front for 60 seconds, not 90. It is not known if he had any type of time piece with him.” The above rant represents a blatant disregard for the principal tenet of factual reporting; namely objectivity. Again it must be emphasized that “Hondo” is attempting to make a semblance of order from chaos. These are rough-cut, uncouth men of the North country. For our man to have any hope of establishing an efficient pace-line he must be both firm and strict with these ruffians. As to the mishap involving the crash w/ Jeff Oatley, the old reliable adage applies; “It takes two to Tango.”

“Believe it or not, moving through our rotations began to resemble something like cycling save the constant complaining and crying from Hondo and his ill prepared fluid situation. You see, we were scheduled for an 8 hour effort totaling some where north of 100 miles and Hondo brought two water bottles or maybe it was just one with him.” Once more, the above narrator fails to comprehend the lessons that can be gained from learning to do more with less.

“The 45 mile return to Duluth was uneventful except for Hondo's poor choice of bike set up leaving him 'off the back', while Big Buff and I joked about better times. 8:05 hours, 105 miles.” A simple, but effective ruse initiated by our intrepid leader in an effort to build camaraderie and esteem amongst his raw underlings. A tactic taken straight from Shackleton’s play book!


  1. Gee . . . I am so sorry I missed this past ride . . . I love drama . . .

  2. They sound like an old married couple, don't they? T.I. ought to be a blast just listening to them bicker. I just hope they don't drag young Buff into that dark hole! :) JP

  3. The crowd gathers around. Slowly and quietly you hear a chant. Then it's rhythm speeds up and volume increases.....fight......fight....fight....fight...Fight...Fight...FIGHT..FIGHT..FIGHT..FIGHT..FIGHT. FIGHT. FIGHT.FIGHT!!!!!!

  4. The moods are getting so fierce that the American continent will soon experience another earthquake!. Sycamore,IL., Haiti, Chile, Argentina...........Hold on to your Ponies as the land shakes!