Just in from WikiLeaks:
An Exclusive Interview with a Mr. Blood Lust, Commander of the Northern Minnesota Special-Operations Deer Fly Task Force, charged with patrolling the northern confines of various and strategically important trails throughout the northern aspect of the Superior National Forest and surrounding areas. Mr. Blood Lust (BL) agreed to meet with the interviewer (in secret) to discuss recent allegations by a Mr. Farrow (CF) that the “deer fly insurgency is out-of-control” and in clear violation of Article 27 of the Fourth Geneva Convention (1949). CF contends that the near constant (and "unprovoked") deer fly attacks upon his personhood during a recent bicycle excursion indeed qualify as “crimes against humanity” and that furthermore the leader (BL) should be tried at the World Court in the Hague. Farrow claims both physical and mental injures have resulted and the only way he can heal is to have justice.
Interviewer: Sir, how do you respond to CF’s allegations that your Special-Ops force acted outside the generally accepted “rules of engagement?”
BL: Give me a break. Are you kidding me! Itz hotter’ hell out, ya can cut the humidity with a knife, we got like 14 dayz left to live and this fat old guy shows up wearing skin type lycra, sitting his big butt on top of a clown bike and starts tearing down our trails in the middle of our brief life span. We are trying to live our lives, procreate, do some dining out, chill with our offspring, basically LIVE and he shows up and disrupts the whole ebb and flow of our life-cycle. We buzz him, giving him a few warnings and he responds by hitting us with DEET. How would you react?
Interviewer: CF claims that you unmercifully and continually attacked his backside and even his naughty bits. That such attacks were ordered by you and that you even participated in these most “inhumane” attacks.
BL: Garbage! We are so sick and tired of always being the bad guyz. The whipping boyz. Your boss hates you, your kid’s a jerk, your wife’s meaner than a junkyard dog- blame the deer flies. The country’s going to hell-blame the deer flies; Leroy can’t get a job- blame the deer flies; the planet’s heatin’up- blame the deer flies; deficit spending is out-of-control- blame the deer flies; little Susie’s a hundred pounds over weight and only wants to play computer games- blame the deer flies!!! Farrow gets his butt kicked on the Taconite Trail…so whatz he do? He blames the….Were sick of it!!!
Interviewer: CF also accuses you and your troops of never going to the front. That you guyz just sat back and let him do all the work. That you all flew in his slipstream the whole trip. How do you respond to that?
BL: Again more lies! He invades our home and now we are the bad guyz. I’m done! No more…but let your readers know that we are done being pushed around.
“Protected persons are entitled, in all circumstances, to respect for their persons, their honour,
their family rights, their religious convictions and practices, and their manners and customs.
They shall, at all times, be humanely treated, and shall be protected, especially against all acts of
violence or threats thereof and against insults and public curiosity. Cyclists shall be especially protected
against any attack on their honour….” Article 27, Fourth Geneva Convention (1949)