Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Work-in-Progress...The Quixotic Rogues Cycling Team

A work-in-progress…

The Quixotic Rogues will be a new kind of cycling team; a team with a progressive vision that will transform the direction of USA Cycling from a third rate fringe sport on par with NSCAR, mired in rampant consumerism and gadgetry, to a thinking albeit aging man’s game that celebrates cerebral development and serene clarity through facing up to severe physical hardships while mounted upon a locally made bicycle purchased from a local bike shop. The following tenets or principals shall form the foundational basis of “The TEAM’s” structural philosophy:

· The Quixotic Rogues will hold in contempt anything and everything created by the use of carbon, shun over-engineered hydraulics in all aspects and functions, and will look down upon all but the most rudimentary forms of front suspension systems. Note: Of course any use of rear suspensions shall result in immediate expulsion from the team.

· The Quixotic Rogues will encourage young people (defined as cyclists under the age of 39) to join the ranks of the domestique, but only those young people that are willing to sign a solemn oath to always allow the senior members to win the races. The oath also commits the younger ones to “pull” the senior members on long windy training sessions. As well as retrieve victory ales for senior members once the race is done and the festivities have begun. Young members must never question a senior member when the senior member embellishes the truth or exaggerates his abilities during long periods of reminiscing about when the senior was “a hardy and more rigorous man, years ago, in my youth when I was a cycling force to be…” Certainly once a younger member proves his meddle he will be able join the ranks of the senior echelon.

· The Quixotic Rogues Team Kits of course should in most instances be made of wool with chamois of rough leather. Preferably leather that has been chewed by an Inuit women over the age of 78. We have a good solid man charged with developing a specific motif; but rest assured that the jersey will be emblazoned with our war cry, INVICTUS.” He is reviewing several beasts of dignity, all of which have extraordinary capacities for physical and loathsome toil to represent our lofty purpose including the following— The dragon for its savage intensity; The lion for its dominance and pride; the wolverine for its unmatchable fury per pound; The cougar for its stealth and beauty; and of course The tortoise for its regal perseverance…Note: other ideas pertaining to this important consideration are encouraged.

· The Quixotic Rogues will, of course, publicly frown upon the overzealous use of pharmaceuticals, yet there is a tacit undercurrent built into this discretionary policy that will not ignore the fact that as cyclists age there are various over-the-counter elixirs, ales, and empathetic apothecaries that may be deemed to be subjectively required for some of the old boyz to enable them to still “turn the crank” with the younger more robust lads. This kind of thing may be especially warranted in the shorter more “fast-twitch” types of XC races.

· More to come…


  1. Outstanding! I have finally figured out what I want to do with my cycling career. Now I only have to figure out how to optain enough luck to join the soon to be greatest team!!
    from Sycamore, IL.

  2. "leather that has been chewed by an inuit woman over the age of 78"

    That is the reason this is the best blog ever! :)