Dear Friends, Sponsors, Supporters, Colleagues, Teammates, Rivals, Detractors, Debtors:
It is with bittersweet, conflicting emotions that I submit to you this heartfelt public communiqué. The fact of the matter is that I will not be competing in the Arrowhead 135 this coming Monday for I have decided that I need to spend more time with my family. This decision represents hours of serious consults and heart searching, thus my decision is final and irrevocable. After having consulted my pastor, my rabbi, my yogi, my astrologer, my medicinal marijuana distributor, and my personal team of pharmacists, I have come to the realization that I am needed here at home. At home where my family, those of whom acknowledge me as their relative, need me to be here in old Duluth from here on out ‘til the end of my dayz…We plan to wile away the time playing monopoly, building model airplanes, watching The View and Dr. Phil, and enjoying old Alfred Hitchcock films in the evenings for the rest of my short time left here on earth. These fine people, my family, have assured me that I will be able to stay home for as long as my faculties remain reasonably intact, I am able to dress myself, and submit a monthly paycheck. I know that the love in their hearts supersedes the legal documents that I was compelled to sign in the presence of their attorney…
Of course there will be the inevitable critics that will add speculative fire to the rumors that I am bailing from this Arrowhead because of the very real possibility that I will get destroyed by the breath and depth of the competition. There are others that will claim that I am staying home because I have grown fat, unwieldy, and thus incapable of piloting my cumbersome clown-bike. Then there will be those that promote the vicious rumors of divisiveness and even schism within the very core of the DBD.
Let me assure you that all of these rumors are unfounded and I wish all the best to the hundred-plus competitors at this upcoming Arrowhead…
I will be watching from the comfort of my humble abode surrounded by those that love me so dearly and unconditionally.
Obsequiously and with love in my heart,
Charlie
This has nothing do do with allegations of doping or rumors of "hiking trips" on the North Shore Trail no doubt.
ReplyDeleteFarrow- "We plan to wile away the time playing monopoly, building model airplanes, watching The View and Dr. Phil, and enjoying old Alfred Hitchcock films in the evenings for the rest of my short time left here on earth."
ReplyDeleteCharly- Sounds about right for someone you age. See you in a few days!
I'll make sure Rick & Dave bring Monopoly for the Holiday Inn. Hard to sit around from Sat till Mon.
ReplyDeleteI decided to quit riding since I have freezer burn in my lungs. Somebody get me a job in a bike shop in Florida. There I can ride my new Pugsley with Lance Andre and look all tough on the beach.
ReplyDeleteAri
Yeah, we've heard it all before!!! Looking forward to a great narrative upon your return.
ReplyDelete