Sunday, August 29, 2010

Whats it all really mean? If anything?

Sitting here late night, with a well lubricated brain, checking religiously from time to time via “Peak Timing” for updates on how my buddies and heroes, including Dave Schuneman, Chris Schotz, Charly Tri and Dan Dittmer, are fairing in the Salsa 24 hours @ Afton…I am struck with the absurdity of it all…and how I will be in the same boat here in just a week’s time…

Since the dawn of humanity, the March to Folly continues…
A man, especially an aged and/or delusional one, needs a plan, even if that plan is inherently flawed and/or foolhardy, (think of our two recent Presidents and their plans for our military to force a constitutional democracy and subsequent neighborly and lasting peace onto the “Republic of Iraq” or even a bigger stretch, forcing democracy, stability, and peace onto a systemically violent, fragmented, and tribal Afghanistan). Nevertheless, regardless of outcomes, it is always the case that a plan is better than no plan, always, even if the plan is based on faulty logic…Furthermore, in order to have a workable, albeit flawed/foolhardy plan; a guy needs a goal (or a mission) and then from there—strategies to achieve that goal or mission, and finally tactics by which to put the strategies into action so as to ultimately accomplish the goal or mission. Note: if the plan was solid, the goal should likewise need to be appropriately commiserate with ones societal & cultural ideologies, and maybe even morally correct and so forth, but in this particular case the whole thing is folly, and accordingly reason, logic, and/or ethics are not essential ingredients…again think recent US Policy in Afghanistan, Iraq, Israel, etc. or racing a bicycle for 24 hours straight around a short loop at a ski hill or the author continually setting out to race these long endurance contests at his age and talent-level...Itz all absurd!!!

Specifically within the context of this entry, when it comes to racing 24 hours on a mountain bike, the author needs a practical plan that is very simplistic and thus easy to follow as the cognitive skills of any and all cyclists in such endeavors are severely limited due to the physical strain involved. Ironically, the problem is compounded with experience and the onset of aging. Not surprisingly, diminished cognitive proficiencies are similar within the brains of those of whom administer and conduct wars, especially with those who have experience fighting war and yet continue to do so… Subsequently, if, like the author (and those that manage war), ones cognitive skills are from the get-go limited, the stress of going 24 hours nonstop on a bike (or waging wars for year upon year) compounds these limitations and renders one’s cognitive capacity to a level similar to that of an egg-plant. In any event, here is the author’s 24 Hours @ Seven Oaks plan-of-action (in hierarchical order):

I. Goal: The main goal is to simply finish within the top three places in the Solo 24 Category and to also, in the process, assist fellow DBDer, the talented Buffington, in winning the thing.

II. Strategies: Given the fact that I have done very little training of late, zero racing, and gained seven pounds+ since the beginning of August because of seemingly continuous issues related to our epic remodeling project (which had led to prodigious beer and junk-food intakes), coupled with the fact that my trusty Gunnar as been grounded for ten days or more, and now sent “away” to Waterford, Wisconsin for evaluation (I’ll discuss this later in detail once more info is available); the basis of my plan of attack to achieve my goals hinges on two very important presuppositions. Namely; 1.) Since I have not been training, or racing, only drinking and eating, I shall be arriving at Seven Oaks very well rested and fully hydrated and loaded to the gills with high quality barleys, hops, and malts (all excellent sources of carbohydrates); and 2.) Since my "once" trusty Gunnar is not available to race @ Seven Oaks, I shall be using a borrowed bike (Jason Buffington’s) which has suspension, gears, and smallish wheels. Although it was difficult, I have convinced myself that such a cushy configuration is advantageous over the rigid 29er Gunnar, given the lay of the Seven Oaks course. If race goes poorly for me, blame on the foreign bike.

III. Tactics: Continue to rely completely and wholeheartedly on the accuracy of an old scale in my closet which always puts my weight at a svelte 167; stay away from the accurate scale at work, until after the race. Use generous amounts of Bell’s Kalamazoo Stout and VIP pizza as main nutritional sources for the pre-race carbo-loading phase during the week leading up to the event. Feign mild heart attack early in the race while Buffington is still close by, with the hope that Buffington, (the physician) will trump Buffington (the competitor), causing him to stop and give me aid, thus slowing him to some degree. I had no success with this very tactic in last year's Arrowhead 135, but I do not learn from past experiences. If I did, I would have given up on 24 Hour races years ago. If the Man-child, Carney, is back, attempt to distract him as he laps me with various psychological strategies complied after years of dealing with high school students including “mooning him,” etc.

Congrats to all the competitors @ the Salsa 24 Hours Race….especially Danielle Musto…WOW!!!! She is on track to win it or second place!!! Or at least a finish in the top three!!! AMAZING Effort...


  1. 1) Buffington, the biker, will always trump Buffington, the physician. (sorry Hippocrates, and good Samaritans)

    2) If the Epic doesn't perform up to it's duties, it is not the fault of the Lender, as all know Buffington Jr rode it to a top finish at the recent Seeley Pre Fat Citizen 10 mile race.

    3) The well rested, albeit slightly more rotund, Farrow need not worry about Buffington, who is not well rested, and even more rotund, since the purchase of the Starcraft Star Lounge and the KOA crowd as of late.

  2. I can concur - camping + campground culture = fat. I am living proof of this fact.

  3. Charlie, you should have seen Danielle in action...simply put, humble, friendly, consistent, and one hell of a bike rider.