Dearest Youthful, Naive Ones: I fear that your participation in the upcoming Trans-Iowa will for you mean the loss of the simple purity and innocence that is so apparent in those who ride bicycles. Essentially, the T.I. changes a cyclist. Post T.I. wheelmen are bitter broken people, cyclists devoid of emotion, apathetic & indifferent racers. Cyclists who drink to forget, not for sustenance. Such wheelmen leave Iowa zombie-like, cold and unfeeling, for they have wagered with the Devil and lost. These are cyclists that forsake their families and friends, wheelmen who die penniless and alone in their wretchedness! May Providence have mercy on your souls, but I fear that you, if you insist on going to Iowa (like the rest of us), are doomed to a life of forlorn resentment filled with pessimism and regret...Please rethink this endeavor, reflect on what you have, count your blessings, take stock, and seek fulfillment at home with those who love and support you. Too many have been broken; enough damage has been done...Ask yourselves—Do I want to be like him? That twitchy aged one that is alone over there in the corner silently weeping the hopeless tears of a cyclist forever damned, forever haunted by a night ride across the barrens of Iowa. A night in which he was visited upon by the depraved demons of the nether-world and thus ultimately succumbed to their unholy covenant, namely a T.I. finish for his eternal soul!
With bitterness and grave misgivings about your collective decision to do this thing. Note that you have been warned,
C
With bitterness and grave misgivings about your collective decision to do this thing. Note that you have been warned,
C
How the T.I. has changed me:
ReplyDelete1. In an effort to save weight I have had all body parts that due not serve to aid in the riding of a bicycle removed, including portions of my brain. I no longer feel.
2. I often use the phrase, "It's no Trans Iowa" in situations where that phrase couldn't possibly apply.
3. I have been known to travel great distances by bicycle in an attempt to "get lost" just for the practice.
4. I no longer eat food.
Since races in the TI: I strike my children when that "LOOK AT ME WRONG."
ReplyDeleteI steal money from the Salvation Army, especially around Christmas.
I take candy for little kids on Halloween.
I weep often for no reason....
Fine words Mr. Farrow!!!
ReplyDeleteI am still haunted by my DNF in V5 and will be through all of my ages I fear!
And the feat you pulled off in V5 stands alone as one of the most outstanding athletic endeavors ever completed! Bravo!!!
So the TI is NOT like RAGBRAI? Wait a minute...
ReplyDeleteI, too, cut a deal w/Lucifer in order to finish the T.I. several years ago and things have been OKAY for me...although I must admit that my head keeps catching on fire,my nose leaks a diesel oil-like substance, and the cardboard box that I call home is somewhat drafty in the winter. But I'd do it again...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the Pep talk! Can't wait.
ReplyDeleteBen
Seems to me this post could have "saved more souls" had it been done ... lets say.... the day BEFORE registration opened.
ReplyDeleteNow i am no psychotherapist or anything but i am a 30+ year veteran of bike racing. I also understand most guys say they love cycling because they enjoy the hurt they can put on themselves and the feeling going to the pain cave every now and then gives back.
What nobody ever seems to talk about is how cyclist love to put the hurt on others and the feeling you get from watching everyone else suffer on a bike, with you or because of you.
The germans have a word for this....schadenfreude.
I value your warning but doubt your sincerity.
Just sayin'
I hope to meet you at the start.
P.S. GIDDYUP!
Dear Anonymous: If thatz your real name? Captivated, I googled “schadenfreude” and was intrigued. I think you are on to something!!! Bravo…there is always room in Hades…See you in April.
ReplyDeleteC
I commented on this on mine. Long and short is I know there are x amount of things that can happen and x+1 amount of things that I don't even know about yet. I'll be excited to hopefully ride with you this year Mr. Farrow.
ReplyDeleteThey will weep valleys of bloody tears when they are lost, in the middle of nowhere,their cues sheets turned back to wood pulp and their fancy hydration packs dry.
ReplyDeleteWise up rookies!
Ari
I am still searching with my worn out eyes the list for Trans Iowa and still cannot find the Big Buff's name and also C. Tri.
ReplyDeleteHave they used Alias' ????
Ari
Mr. Anonymous here again. Yes that is my real name. And as a rookie I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna volunteer my leadership to these rookies. An army without a leader is like a foot without a big toe.
ReplyDeleteAnd as their leader I will address them with a candor and a decision which the present situation of our rookies impel. This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in T7 today. This great race will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to all rookies in T7 these critical days.
And that's all I got to say about that.
Ari, I can't speak for Buffy, but I indeed am not attending. Easter holds a tradition at my house that is more important. I look forward to battling many of the same people at Transwisconsin.
ReplyDeleteAs a rookie...the alcohol i used to drink for fun and pleasure is now used for clearing the sick thoughts of trans iowa blunder out of my head. Satan has already approached me offering a life of pain and darkness on a river of fire for a chance to get past checkpoint #2 and keep riding. He said if I wanted to finish, the cost would greatly increase. I don't know if I want to find out. Dr. Giggles will be preforming surgery on my body this december to chop my body up and reattach everything with velcro, if a limb or part of my brain (like Mr. Ek) is not capable of functioning anymore, you will hear the sound of velcro ripping apart and limbs being shed. Don't be surprised to see a flaming bike from hell with two legs and a beating heart pedaling through the vitamin g of iowa come april.
ReplyDeleteCharlie... No deals w/ satan for this rookie. Looking fwd to being re-born Easter sunrise-ish on a lonely gravel road in Iowa... Bring-it!
ReplyDelete