Friday, April 24, 2009

A compelling contractual offer re:T.I. Should I sign? Dare I sign? Itz tempting, yet eternity is a long time? There is no free lunch, but still...

AGREEMENT between:CPF of Duluth, MN:(hereinafter referred to as “Client”)
Lucifer of Hades, Subterranean Nether Lands (hereinafter referred to as “Consultant”)

WHEREAS the Consultant has agreed to provide services set out in clause (2) hereof to Client AND the parties have agreed and do hereby agree that the terms of such agreement be put into writing NOW THEREFORE the parties agree to be bound by the following terms and conditions:- The Client agrees to the following: upon completion of the 2009 Trans-Iowa the Client will turn over his soul for eternity to the Consultant. In return the Consultant agrees to do everything in his power to support the Client in his quest to have a top finish in the 2009 Trans-Iowa Cycling Race (hereinafter referred to as "TI"). The Consultant also agrees to employ various and sundry curses against the Client's rivals. These curses shall manifest themselves by initiating, but are not limited to, broken chains, flat tires, broken spokes, and even catastrophic collapse of any carbon-fiber cycling components and/or frames.

1. The Term: This agreement will commence and terminate on the dates as follows: May 2nd, Saturday at 4:00 am until the finish of the TI sometime on May 3rd, 2009

2. The Services: The Consultant will or will ensure that its employees (Dark Angels) will perform the following services (“the Service”). Note: Nothing contained in this contract will be construed as or have the effect of constituting a relationship of employer and employee between the parties to this agreement. The services are restricted to the following: The disruption of all cyclists in various forms (including, but not limited to, horrific weather, dead bowel syndrome, and major bike mechanicals; see Key words below) in their efforts to complete the TI, except the Client [see above for further reference to specific services. Key words; curses, broken chains, broken spokes, flat tires, cracks in carbon-fiber frames and components].

3. The Fee: The Client's Soul for services rendered (to receive the fee the Consultant must deliver and thus the Client must finish within the Top Three Overall for the 2009 Trans-Iowa Bicycle Race. The fee payable by Client to the Consultant will be the fee as is specified above. The fee will be payable at the frequency indicated in Appendix 1. All fees quoted are exclusive of [ VAT / GST / SALES TAX ]. Where it is indicated in Appendix 1 that Invoices will be submitted by the Consultant the Consultant will submit to Client invoices for fees payable adding the appropriate rate of [ VAT / GST / SALES TAX ] from time to time to each invoice (if it is appropriate to do so). Client will pay each invoice within [ Insert payment period ] days of the date of the invoice. The Consultant will submit invoices to the address specified in 1.

4. Law
This Agreement will be governed by and construed in accordance with the Laws of the great state of Iowa and the rules of the TI. Any dispute which may arise between the parties concerning this Agreement will be determined by Guitar Ted and the parties hereby submit to the exclusive jurisdiction of the TI courts for such purpose.

Signed by and on behalf of Client Group
By [ Client signature ]

Signed by and on behalf of Consultant
By [ Consultant signature ]

1 comment:

  1. Charles:

    After thoroughly examining the Esko Public Schools Master Agreement, I believe that your pending contract with The Prince of Darkness is not in conflict with your other contracted duties. Proceed with the blessing of ISD #99.