Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sir George Mallory, in a rare public correpondence addressed to the author via telegraph, weighs in on recent DBD activities in the Northland...

Dear Sir:

Although somewhat delayed due to a problem with our Sherpa people, Earnest and I received your correspondence of November 15th @ Latok Base-camp regarding your efforts to get us to back you in getting the DBD to sanction your most recent training sessions including the east to west single-track mtb effort and more importantly and slightly less straight-forward, the two-pronged training session beginning at 8:30 p.m. on this last Saturday night through to 12:20 a.m. on Sunday and then again leaving at 5:35 a.m. on Sunday and finishing it up at 10:42 a.m. on that Sabbath, November 15th. The 8 hour+ effort on the single-track using mountain bikes is forthright and thus should sail through with no problems. While the more recent effort, involving the double session on both gravel and tar, is certainly a more contrived effort, both Ernest and I believe that it too will ultimately be approved by the powers-that-be. According to our elemental mathematical skills, the air up is a bit thin and we are no longer young men; the second effort does indeed exceed both the required eight hour threshold and the cumulative sixteen hour time-frame. You can count on our support regarding both efforts. Bravo, well done, bully!

Let me personally commend the boyz in attendance (Hendricks & Kershaw). These are brave men for on this particular night ride they were alone with you; it takes solid men to embark on such an endeavor accompanied by a rider of your erratic and unsavory history. According to our sources, the ensuing Sunday morning ride with Hendricks, Buffington, and Eki also went off without a hitch. Note: We have taken the liberty to begin a portfolio on each of these promising lads.

Although I must add that it is regretful that Eki was NOT able to achieve the eight hour parameter for either of the two recent efforts. Has his dementia improved? We certainly are not unfeeling or unmoved by the woes that face our leadership and our understudies, but plebeian behaviors cannot be tolerated, please keep a close eye on Eki. Of course it is often the case that the talented and the eccentric are one in the same.

Furthermore, I must add that Kershaw’s absence on Sunday does not bode well for his induction date. I have instructed that that date be momentarily postponed until the aforementioned submits proper documentation detailing the rationale behind his failure to appear for duty. His claims of a solo effort on that Sunday, to date have been unsubstantiated.

On a personal note; I, too, am concerned about Kershaw’s tendency to gravitate towards aspects of the occult. We had trouble when both Kipling and Newton went that route and I’d certainly rather not repeat another messy Salem’s Witch Trial. Case-in-point, his most recent adoption of what could be construed as a provocative satanic icon to represent/promote to the public the highly successful Heck-of-the-North race certainly add fuel to the fire and furthermore adds ammunition from which his (and our) detractors will be quick to seize upon.

Regarding the enigmatic Eki and his recent disconcerting propensity to retreat to the safe confines of his abode-upon-the-hill with the onset of darkness has also raised eyebrows here at the Kitchi Gammi Club. The image of an Eki in repose upon a soft couch while you and the two lads fly across the remote barrens by starlight is a vision that is decidedly unDBD-like and therefore, not surprisingly, the cause of great agitation and consternation amongst some of the more spirited of the group. For one, Crazy Horse upon hearing of Eki’s lack of participation regarding Saturday’s night ride flew into a rage culminating in his attempting to “count coupe” on a slightly inebriated Ed Hillary (an ardent Eki backer). The fact that Buffington skipped out on Saturday's night ride did not ease matters. Such gross absenteeism constitutes a red-flag for this young up-start. The ensuing melee almost ended in fisticuffs and put an unpalatable tension in the air for the reminder of the evening or at least until a second round of whiskey was served and old Tilman began to regale the group with stories of his misadventures on the Mischief.

I would also like to take a moment to commend you on your obvious, albeit subtle generosity in allowing the youths, most notably Jason and Rich, to lead the pack for long periods of time during these recent training rides. I know that as a consummate leader and alpha male, it is difficult to let go of the front position in the peloton and yet if we are to bring these lads into the fold, such self-sacrifice is a worthy and noble deed. A deed that must in your case require an extraordinary degree of restraint. To these acts of chivalry on your part, I say BRAVO! Also, thank you for reporting to the group the two important sightings of the rare tree skunk and the acrobatic lynx, not to mention the collective run-in with the white rabbit during the night ride. These reports help us to corroborate our record keeping of such phenomena. Both Messner and the Duke of Abruzzi were particularly interested in your insights regarding the elusive tree skunk.

In closing, it is our contention that both of your recent training sessions will meet with success in obtaining approval. Keep up the good work and please convey to Eki and the others our deepest salutations. Regarding the DBD group’s decision to not sanction Eki’s recent work represents a set back from him, but he is a stout fellow and will do fine. Tell Eki to hold to a stiff upper lip and that rules are rules. He still has time to make up for lost ground. Continue to push Buffington as I suspect that he has the heart of a lion. The same can be said of Hendricks. It is a good thing to test the men’s meddle, but from time to time, do not be afraid to order an extra finger of rum to be passed around after hard training rides. For the most part we are pleased with your work in Duluth.

Best regards,

ps Ernie sends his regards



    After Farrow's misguided interpretation of my last missive I want to publicly state that Eki's 7.5 hour, 111 mile effort not only qualifies, but leaves Farrow and companie's last effort laughable. There is no such thing in the code of conduct as a "16 Hour Window". Once again Farrow goes rouge. Bully for Eki


    P.S. It should be noted that the stalwart Eki declined (admirably) a promotion within the DBD ranks. All raise a glass to Sir Eki, please an extra finger of rum for the chap!

  2. Charlie,
    Does Sir George know of your self-doubt during the HON? You see - the asking of the peloton to "stop and wait for me while I take a pee" surely shows self doubt that you could regain your stature in the peloton on your own!

    Have you hidden that from him? Are you afraid of his reaction? Will he doubt your commitment?


  3. While I'm not able to craft such an eloquent verse about the events that have transpired I would like to know why no one from the "Big City" has been invited to said secret training camps?

  4. There are some locals wondering the same thing!