Beware for they come....

“There is a bad moon arising over Iowa”If you live in upper Midwest farm country, don’t go out at night for the seeable future. The migration to the farmlands of Iowa has begun. Visigoths, Huns, Vikings, Khazars, Xionites, Chionites, Ephthalites, and other fierce barbarians of antiquity are flocking to the saturated rich loam of rural Iowa in anticipation of an old school rendezvous complete with frenzied plundering and pillaging. These guyz are not known for respecting borders or even possessing anything other than a very rudimentary knowledge of modern geography, so no-one in the rural Midwest is going to be safe. The impetus stems from rumors of a large group of lycra-clad miscreants riding flimsy steeds at night across sparely populated aspects of Iowa; traditionally a favorite victim of the barbarian community. The pictures of such spoils conjured in the minds of these hardy albeit merciless hordes are such a draw that the even the harried spirits of such notorious figures as Attila the Hun and Genghis Khan are stirred to action and are thus leading throngs of evil spirits for IOWA… There is a bad moon arising……..

The Trans-Iowa Study Group

CP Farrow’s Strategy for Victory @ The Trans-Iowa IV Race

Working draft [April 14th, 2008]: Classified Document
Trans-Iowa Race: XXXXXX
345 mile loop on gravel and dirt roads…
Charlie Farrow

Theory: When one approaches a 24+ hour road race alone, he or she is essentially forced into XXXXX XXXX, any XXXX XXXXX of whom are XXXX into XXXXX to the whims of the XXXX consensus. For example, if the XXXXXX decides to XXXXXXXXX to XXXXX, one is essentially XXXX to XXXX. We can XXXXX dare to XXXX the XXXX and yet still benefit for XXXXXX. XXXXX committed guyz whether, not weather, XXXXXX together XXXXX, but even with XXXXXX working in XXXX can XXX , XXX wet gravel, tires, XXXXX, significant XXXXX. For example, by XXXXX, even if can only XXXXX by just XXXXXX could very well be the difference between XXXXX the race and XXXXXXX. In summary: XXXXX into the waiting arms of the grim demons that await all during the agony of the long harsh Iowa night…

Commentary (assumptions and limitations): Experience has taught me that in these super long events if XXXXXX. Of course, experience has also shown that XXXXX are unpredictable…I will be surprised if XXXXX first XXXXX. It is an appropriate assumption XXXXX will XXXXX for the weather, I do not think that XXX from Wisconsin has a XXX (s) to XXX him so he will XXX and therefore XXXX, I suppose XXXX (the guy that has XXXXX in the past and that was in the lead XXXXX XXXXXX Seattle? could potentially XXXX with his strength. XXXX will need to assess his strength XXXXX. Of course, surely there will be someone else in the mix (XXXXX, but talented and motivated rider) that will play a significant role in the unfolding drama but at this point it’s all speculation on who that might be. XXXX himself during the long forlorn night… sore knee, XXXXX, XXXXX, lots of cream, XXXXX!
Goals:
1.) My ultimate goal XXXX among the racers…Yet, if the XXXXXX presents itself, at the later stages in the race, I am committed XXXXXXXX This XXXX should the opportunity present itself is based on the XXXXXX that if I am lucky and other more capable riders are unlucky, then XXX could XXXX this XXXX…stranger things have happened!!! A band of brothers, XXXX, XXX, XXX, XXXXX.

2.) As stated above, at Mile 207.25 (aka Check Point #2) when one receives the last cue sheet with the directions to the finish some 138 miles down the road, my goal XXXXX. XXXXX being in the XXXXX Again, the hope is that XXXX get to Check Point #2. In any event, I am therefore committed to XXXXX, unless it is obvious XXXX too fast and/or wet. XXXX XXXX tires.

3.) Another goal is to maintain XXXXX those moments of despair and agony (XXXX Capote referred to so elegantly as the “mean reds” that come with the setting of the sun).

4.) Another goal XXXXXXXXX is forced to sell his soul for the XXXX of the XXXXX.

5.) If things do not go well for me, I still want to be in a position XXXX as possible…

Note: the scenarios below are based on the idea XXXX for purposes of crafting a plan-of-action are essentially essential XXXXX… (A) The start to the 109 mile mark, or Check point #1; (B) 109 mile mark to the 200 mile mark, or Check Point #2; (C) From Check Point #2 to the Finish Line in Decorah

XXX case scenario:XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXX case scenario: XXXXXXXX

Note: Sorry, but as you can see much of what has been written above has fallen victim to censors....it is my sincere hope that someday, a day when the world is a safer place, we will be able to present an unabridged version of this important policy statement.

The weather lifts in the Twin Ports and there is rejoicing!!!!

Bringing religion to the Rat in anticpation of the Trans-Iowa:

Gambrinus is a legendary king of Flanders, and an unofficial patron saint of beer or beer brewing. I am really good at the rest & recovery phase of my training!!!!

Full-on blizzard condition....

Full-on blizzard condition here in Duluth: Perfect for the R&R BIG TAPER and the total hydration-fest....IN two weeks; Iowa here I come!!!!

Reading to the Rat while Resting my bones: Just finished the classic, "Canoeing with the Cree" by Eric Saverie (spelling?). It is an adventure narrative of the highest order. Six stars out of six stars...highly highly recommended...

C. Heston would have won the Trans-Iowa!!!!

Charleston Heston recently passed on...That dude was tough!!! I love the way he used to race that bad boy chariot against all them bad guyz on black horses...

"He raced his chariot 90 per they still ask; What happened to Ben Hur?"

Hydrating the Rat: Leading up to a long race, I take my hydration very very seriously; combining a cutting edge scientific approach with a conscise committment to hypo-saturating my body (at the cellular level) with as much liquid carbohydrate as possible. Under the direction of local adult-beverage experts, with just a few weeks to go, I am in full-on R&R taper mode w/ an emphasis on extreme"ultraCarbo-loading"; utilizing a wonderful, albeit ancient recuperative energizing elixir comprised of naturally fermented barley, hops, malts,and other vigorous & purely natural ingredients...Itz all "organic." This is serious business and I am committed to arriving in Iowa fully carbo-loaded...Nope, I wont be able to claim lack of carbo-loading for a poor effort in Iowa, which is a comforting thought... :)

The numbers on the upcoming Trans-Iowa are out...when I heard them it reminded me of Tennyson's classic poem...

The Trans-Iowa IV: 345 miles on gravel and dirt roads across the backroads of Iowa..."Forward, the Light Brigade! Charge for the guns!"

The Charge of the Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
1.
Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred."Forward, the Light Brigade!"Charge for the guns!" he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.
2.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"Was there a man dismay'd? Not tho' the soldier knew Someone had blunder'd: Their's not to make reply,Their's not to reason why,Their's but to do and die:Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred.
3.
Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley'd and thunder'd;Storm'd at with shot and shell,Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred.
4.
Flash'd all their sabres bare, Flash'd as they turn'd in air, Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army, while All the world wonder'd: Plunged in the battery-smoke. Right thro' the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel'd from the sabre stroke. Shatter'd and sunder'd. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred.
5.
Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley'd and thunder'd; Storm'd at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well. Came thro' the jaws of Death. Back from the mouth of Hell,All that was left of them, Left of six hundred.
6.
When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honor the charge they made, Honor the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred.

Copied from Poems of Alfred Tennyson,J. E. Tilton and Company, Boston, 1870

What to do???

Second guessing, no third guessing, no fourth guessing…

I am obsessed right now with the following BIG TIME questions:
1.) Whatz the best bike to bring to Iowa?
2.) What are the best tires to ride on in Iowa?
3.) What beer (which could be my last) to drink on the night before I leave for 300+ miles across rural Iowa?

4.) What to have done with my bones if I
don't get out of Iowa alive...

Note: I am not worried about wheels because being a committed aficionado to the 29 inch wheel movement; all my wheel-sets are interchangeable with both my Gunnar & Kelly. But I certainly appreciate the power of the tire…at the Arrowhead 135, the boyz left me partly cuz I had the wrong tires…so it goes