Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Too much to do....


Super busy right now....What with being laid off here in just a few dayz and planning in earnest for the 620 Mile Trans-Wisconsin, there is little time for reflection...I have ordered a nuclear-powered drone (powered by Haliburton) to constantly hover above me during the event so as to have State-of-the-Art navigation during the whole affair. Also I have obtained a super techny phone/internet/TV/radio gizmo so as to allow complete and total 24 hour connection/communication to various and strategically-placed support crews. Also I have chosen to bring a SPOT-TRACKER device so that my team of rescue professionals will be able to track my every move as I progress through this remote and super dangerous trail. Finally, I have installed vital medical sensory devices to monitor all of my vital organ metrics. This data shall be sent in REALTIME to the Mayo Clinic for constant assessment and commentary. My bike is equipped with every kind of feedback gizmo known to man...During my effort, using a big flat-screen affixed to my carbon handlebars, I shall have constant assess to power wattage, cadence, elevation, tire pressure, price of Gold, heart rate, liver function, VO2 readouts, monkey-butt status, Krebs Cycle, urine production, colon spasms, beer joints in the immediate area, and North Korean naval deployments. Yet, I still feel I need more...I am sure that some of the other fellas will have newer, shinier, and fancier stuff...that always happens to me!!! any suggestions???

7 comments:

  1. You silly old fool. you will be in Wisco; you will not need any technological device to find a bar.

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  2. There have been many recent high-tech and cutting edge studies in Endurance News, The Journal of Sports Medicine, and the New England Journal of Sports, Cycling and the Aged regarding Real Time Rectal Temperature Monitoring and Enhancement of Athletic Performance!

    jb

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  3. Hope all that shit works at -25F for Arrowhead 2011. Maybe you and LA can compare heart rates and stuff.
    dp

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  4. I have some glasses I can lend. They can see through trees as to keep your competitors in sight. Don't forget to bring a lot of double A's for your equipment.
    ari

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  5. Did someone mention digital rectal monitoring?

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  6. Just the threat of it (digital rectal monitoring) will make you ride faster...

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  7. Paper maps, a willingness to not take anything too seriously, and a desire to completely fill my camera's memory card are top items on my checklist.

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