Thursday, September 25, 2008

With Debates (and WEMS Race) Uncertain, Candidates (and aging cyclist) Meet Bush @ White House

Dear Fellow Americans, Capitalists and Hedge-Fund Managers:

After great consideration, I regretfully have decided to suspend for the immediate future my decision to race at the Thunderdown @ the Underground this coming Saturday as the needs of the American People far outweigh my own personal designs on winning a WEMS race. It is my hope that all the other guyz (especially the fast guyz) will do the same in the interest of our country. Duty instead of racing, I will be heading to the White House to meet with John, Barack, Sara, Joe, Dick and GW to workout an emergency bail-out for all the desperate investment bankers that are in dire danger of losing their yachts and Swiss villas. We must act with courageous haste as these pillars of high finance are in the throngs of psychological despair. I am off to Washington; for duty calls, duty first, duty at all costs, duty even above bike racing!!! In the name of Adam Smith, I pledge my allegiance to the financial monoliths that have always stood by us, the American worker, in sickness and in health, etc……….Now is the time to unite; Our elitists need us!!!!


  1. You said it. I am auctioning off my Custom made Ira Ryan so I can also contribute to saving the Frat boys from Wall Street.

  2. I lost a bunch of money gambling in Vegas one time. Why wouldn't the government bail me out? After all, I was helping the economy with my bad decisions at the car table and slot machines.