Friday, September 21, 2007

There's gotta be a better way to make a livin' than being a deer, especially a buck!


On Minnesota Public Radio, the other day ,they had some bureaucrat from the Minnesota DNR talking about how autumn is a time for the deer to become “active,” especially the bucks. Well, no kidding!!! I would become “active” to if I knew that over 500,000 gun toting blood-thirsty zealots were heading out into my neighborhood with the singular intent being to KILL ME, especially if I’m a male deer!!!!! In any event, I know the deer know what it means when the leaves start to turn color and they are getting totally freaked out…can ya blame then? The “Fall Colors” for the white-tail buck aint no good life; the does are hitting on ya and the humans are trying to kill ya, and the bigger your rack the deader you gonna be…The bureaucrat went on to extol the citizenry to be safe and conscious of others when embarking into the woods (via ATVs) with high-powered, hi-tech weaponry. He failed to mention any safety concerns for the deer, especially the bucks.

Yesterday, as I was riding up Lester River Road, I saw a beautifully majestic buck get hit broadside by a car full of moronic adolescents. The car initially sped past me at the crest of the final stretch of the hill leading out and onto a wooded plateau, the green sedan was “hugging me” close to the shoulder and I therefore surmise that they were focused on scaring the hell out of me, as it seemed as if the driver never saw the deer explode out of the woods. The ferocious impact sent the doomed deer cart-wheeling high into the air. Miraculously, the deer was able to get up and run away, but I am quite certain that he had sustained mortal wounds. The car never even slowed down…so apart from a few broken pieces of plastic and glass, I was left with nothing but the violent image and the profound thought that it must suck to be a deer, especially a buck with a rack………If I was a deer, I'd be a buck, a BIG BUCK and I'd be an enterprising big buck and so I'd open a full service, w/ 24 hour convenience, no appointment necessary "rack reduction/elimination" center where I'd remove or "tone-down" other buck's racks for inflated monopolistic prices ...then I'd be a rich buck, but alas I bet the humans would still be out to KILL ME...so it goes.......
Feeding the Rat: 150 minutes in windy conditions. Thursday: 2 hours in the rain

7 comments:

  1. I saw the same type of crash heading down Glenwood theother day. I spotted 3 deer cruising thru the fence from Northland CC, I hit the brakes. A young lady behind me laid on the horn and swerved around me, flipping me the bird and shouting something. Then, she broadsided one of the deer, it flew over her car, plastic Cavalier parts flying. She didn't even touch the brakes. Nice. Boz

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  2. Kill those deer, that's what God made them for. Fer us to kill!

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  3. Yo,
    As a gun toting dude, I see some sort of sad irony in the fact that there are so many deer that people are hitting them all the time in cars, bikes and the rest. Think back to your childhood, I remember being surprised to actually SEE a deer much less hit one. Now you feel like your running the gauntlet just to get a 6 pack. Lastly, I love seeing the price of free range beef at the market, especially when I have a full freezer of the most free range red meat you can get on the planet......... HOWEVER, I do have to agree that those bastards should not be allowed to use ATV's to hunt them.
    Hansi

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  4. No matter how you play it...it still sucks to be a deer in the 21st century.....

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  5. The deer know exactly where to go during deer season...the cities. I was talking to a hunter that is going to be hunting the snail lake park here in the neighborhood and he said there were 600 car-deer accidents in this area this year. and the bucks that come through our yard in the fall are massive. I'm hunting in the wrong spot. Up north the deer per square mile ratio is pretty small. I'm gonna get that turdy point buck

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  6. That's not bad. In SD we just drive around and shoot them from the truck, man style.

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  7. "I kill stuff, cuz I love nature." Highschool kid

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